songs about men and women

Here’s some funny songs about how men and women differ


Brad Paisley-I’m Still a Guy

When you see a deer you see Bambi
And I see antlers up on the wall
When you see a lake you think picnics
And I see a large mouth up under that log
You're probably thinking that you're going to change me
In some ways well maybe you might
Scrub me down, dress me up oh but no matter what
remember I'm still a guy

When you see a priceless French painting
I see a drunk, naked girl
You think that riding a wild bull sounds crazy
And I'd like to give it a whirl
Well love makes a man do some things he ain't proud of
And in a weak moment I might walk your sissy dog, hold your purse at the mall
But remember, I'm still a guy

I'll pour out my heart
Hold your hand in the car
Write a love song that makes you cry
Then turn right around knock some jerk to the ground
'Cause he copped a feel as you walked by

I can hear you now talking to your friends
Saying, "Yeah girls he's come a long way"
From dragging his knuckles and carrying a club
And building a fire in a cave
But when you say a backrub means only a backrub
Then you swat my hand when I try
Well, now what can I say at the end of the day
Honey, I'm still a guy

And I'll pour out my heart
Hold your hand in the car
Write a love song that makes you cry
Then turn right around knock some jerk to the ground
'Cause he copped a feel as you walked by

These days there's dudes getting facials
Manicured, waxed and botoxed
With deep spray-on tans and creamy lotiony hands
You can't grip a tacklebox

Yeah with all of these men lining up to get neutered
It's hip now to be feminized
I don't highlight my hair
I've still got a pair
Yeah honey, I'm still a guy

Oh my eyebrows ain't plucked
There's a gun in my truck
Oh thank God, I'm still a guy



Kellie Picker-Things That Never Cross a Man’s Mind


I need to go shopping
These shoes are all wrong
Just look in my closet
Not a thing to put on
I wonder how these jeans make me look from behind
Things that never cross a man's mind

Lets turn off the tv
Now can't we just talk
Lets lay here and cuddle
Til we both drift off
If we don't make love
That'll be just fine
Things that never cross a man's mind

That joke is too dirty
This steak is too thick
Ain't no way in the world I'll ever finish it
That car is too fast
This beer is too cold
And watchin all this football is sure getting old
Wish I was workin this weekend
Not on the lake reelin my line
Things that never cross a man's mind

Here lips are too red
Her skirt is too tight
Her legs are too long
And her heels are too high
Boy, she looks like the marryin kind
Things that never cross a man's mind

That joke is too dirty
This steak is too thick
Ain't no way in the world I'll ever finish it
That car is too fast
This beer is too cold
And watchin all this football is sure getting old
Wish I was workin this weekend
Not on the lake reelin my line
Things that never cross a man's mind

I feel a little bloated
I think I'm fixin to starve
That movie was good except for the violent parts
Brad Pitt is sexy
Why did he change his hair
I knew him and Jenny never had a prayer
These curtains clash with the carpet
The color scheme is a crime
Things that never cross a man's mind
Things that never cross a man's mind

Birthday girl!

Today is Angie's birthday! She turns 28 today. Happy Birthday sweet heart! I love you!

John Smoltz and the snapping turtle: the story of our spring break

Don't you just love the catchy headline?

Oh well, we are regretfully on the other side of Spring Break, but we had a great time being off. We spent the preceding weekend in Alabama at my parents house and we had a great time. I made a point to spend as much time with my dad as I could this go-round. We went fishing and caught a bunch of bream and one ol' snapping turtle. He was caught by yours truly. It felt like a fish for a while when I first hooked it, but as I reeled it in I thought I'd just snagged a limb because of the dead weight. But when I got "it" to the bank I realized "it" was a snapping turtle. Luckily he worked himself free before I had to get the knife out and cut him loose, thus saving my line and perhaps my finger. We didn't have any moving conversations-- dad and I that is--but it was nice just looking over and knowing he was there.

During the week Angie and I worked on beautifying our yard. We planted flowers, raked and mowed and had fun being outdoors all week. On Friday Wade, Angie's sister Cristy and I worked all afternoon moving probably a ton of mulch. Amazingly, at age 30, I finally like yard work. I can just hear my mom cussing me now haha.

On Saturday we saw our Dodgers lose to those pesky Braves (yes Joel, I know). We had a great time though. My niece Ashley and her boyfriend Casey met us in Atlanta for the game. She is such an adult now at 19. Amazing. We will post some pics soon. Before the game there was a line of people waiting to get an autograph from Braves pitcher John Smoltz. Being a Dodger fan I didn't wet myself to get over there to him. But this guy approached Angie and me and asked told us he'd give us an autographed ball if we stood in line with him (a person could have have two things signed), so we did and Smoltz signed a ball for us. Very cool. Anyway, that was our week in a nutshell. This weekend Angie heads with the ladies to Gatlinburg and I'll head to a shady spot and snooze. Have a good one.

--Erik

Reflections: Old Blue Chair by Kenny Chesney

I love this song because it sort of relates to my way of thinking. Maybe you can relate (plus you gals can see Kenny's bod ;) )


There's a blue rockin' chair,
sittin' in the sand.
Weathered by the storms,
and well oiled hands.
It sways back and forth,
with the help of the winds.
Seems to always be there,
like an ol' trusted friend.

I've read a lot of books, wrote a few songs.
Looked at my life, where it's goin', where it's gone.
I've seen the world, through a bus windshield.
But nothing compares,
to the way that I see it,
to the way that I see it,
to the way that I see it,
when I sit in that Old Blue Chair.

From that chair I've caught
a few fish and some rays,
and I've watched boats sail,
in and out of Cinnamon Bay.
I let go of a lover,
that took a piece of my heart.
Prayed many times for forgiveness,
and a brand new start.

I've read a lot of books, wrote a few songs.
Looked at my life, where it's goin', where it's gone.
I've seen the world, through a bus windshield.
But nothing compares,
to the way that I see it,
to the way that I see it,
to the way that I see it,
when I sit in that Old Blue Chair.

That chair was my bed one New Year's night,
when I passed out from too much Malibu and diet,
and I woke up to a hundred mosquito bites. I swear.
Got 'em all sittin' right there, in the Old Blue Chair.

There's a blue rockin' chair,
sittin' in the sand.
Weathered by the storms,
and well oiled hands.

Laid up here in a country state of mind (with pics from home)

Ronnie Jones preached a sermon based on a Hank Williams song not long ago, so I figured it was OK for me to write an ode to a Hank Jr. song. So here it goes:


"That hot ol' summer sun make you beg for your next breath,
So you best be on the creek bank laid in the shade.
Chewin' on a hickory twig, pass that bottle, I'll have me a swig,
I ain't got a lot, but I think I got it made (in the shade)."


Many people talk about not having regrets in life and I have very few, really. Everything I’ve done, every mistake I have made, has led me here, which is where I want to be. I am married to my soul mate. I am pursuing a career that I believe God would have me do. But some days I miss my country home in Alabama. I miss that quiet peace that comes with sweet tea and front porches. I miss those pine covered hills and the fog that rolls through the hollows in the morning. I miss that old wooden barn that was built long before I was born and the smell of freshly cut hay. I miss flinging a fishing rod over my shoulder and walking into the backwoods for a shot at some bream. I miss the country store where everybody knows you when you walk in. I miss those Alabama and, yes, Auburn car tags. I miss being a part of what that rivalry means in that state. I miss the buzz of bicycle tires whirling under me as I peddledown back roads of aged blacktop. I miss the smell of axle grease coming from underneath that old red Farmall. Mostly, though, I regret that I didn’t learn more than I did from my father. He is a man’s man. He can fix anything, grow anything, build anything. You know the type. I regret not getting up early and going fishing with him as much as I should have. I regret not being under his wing every day in those vast fields. I regret having smooth palms when his were so calloused. I regret never going dove hunting with him or paying attention to him when he taught lessons about life that I had to learn the hard way. I will never regret being my momma’s baby, but I will always regret never being my dad’s little man. I can’t make up for lost time with him now, but I am trying more than ever to savor those moments we have left. I look forward to Friday when I can see that place again.


"Me, I'm laid up here in a country state of mind,
Catchin' these fish like they're goin' out of style,
And drinkin' this homemade wine.
Hey, if the sun don't shine tomorrow,
People I've had a good time,
I’m just laid up here in at country state of mind."

--Erik

Green's Game Notes: Volume IV

So if you were driving from Dalton towards Murray County around 6:25 this morning you probably saw my lovely wife doing a dance in the Regions Bank parking lot. Yes, and maybe you heard her shouting too. She was not filled with the Holy Ghost, but rather giant mosquitoes. So here's how it went down: we pulled into Regions to get some money and there were maybe five of those huge mosquitoes sitting on the machine. When Angie went to put the card in, BuzZZZ WHACK BAM CRASH, those things flew onto her like planes to a hanger. She started saying "They're on me. They're on me." Then she began to panic and whack the air like mad. Then she yelled "They're on me! They're on me! I've got to get out!" So yes, she got out and performed her own rendition of Flash Dance. "She's a maniac, maaaniac on the floor..." As for me? I just enjoyed the show... No mosquitoes were hurt...

I don't know if I have mentioned it before in the Blog, but I believe God has put a burden on my heart to become a guidance counselor. I believe I can relate to kids in that fashion. I have done the stupid, trouble making stuff. I have experienced unrequited love (Who hasn't haha). I have gone through the "My parents are morons" phase. I have had drug addicted friends. I mean, I feel like I understand teens. So I suppose I am going to get my masters and Eds. in counseling. That's a couple years away, so things might change...

Mercifully Angie's CRCT testing is complete and she can return to normal, Amen!...

Spring Break begins Friday! AND I only have a couple more class meetings left in the semester. Two classes, two A's right now! Go me...

So last night in my education class we discussed discipline in the classroom and basically my professor made it seem as though only bad teachers have to discipline kids. When asked what should be done for discipline in the classroom, he said "Teach better." Of course, he is about 80 years old. What sort of discipline do you feel is correct? Paddling? Removal from class? Writing sentences, etc. I'd like to hear your thoughts...

Prayer requests (update)

Folks, one of my best friends Bryan Young had gastric bypass Monday morning and is doing just fine. Thanks for all the prayers.

Please continue to pray for Angie today, the final day of the CRCT wooo hoo!

--Erik

Game Notes: Volume III

So who's coming to game night tonight? We have debated going because Angie is not much of a game person, but I am, so we're at a stand still. If someone is going and is not much of a gamer then Angie might have some company...

Speaking of Angie...she has had a great week of testing this week and the Lord really helped her stay calm and perform her job. She is also going to be her grade rep next year! Please pray for her next week as tests resume.

It has been a crazy week for me as well...my ISS class has been full most every day and that forces my blood pressure up a few notches, but luckily it is Friday. Next week is our last week before Spring Break, whee! On top of that I only have about four more Mondays and Tuesdays left in the college semester, which is nice. I will take most of June off before heading back in the summer. Gotta get finished!

Hope you all have a great one!

--Erik

Roll Tide, so sayeth the Lord.

A crossing guard's view from the sidewalk

Sometimes in life all we see is the road that lies ahead and behind...





But if we look up, God will show us his glory...



Pics taken with cellphone, sorry. Have a good one!

Superfan, the Pumpkin Hater, and the best rivalry in sports

Now that is what I'm talkin' 'bout! And I thought I loved the Tide.

Man I just hate Tennessee


Nice trip; see you next fall

Quick note: prayer

Please be praying continuously for Angie this week and into next week. She is administering the standardized test for third grade and has been very nervous about it. God has really given her strength the last few days and I ask you to pray he continues doing so...

Game Notes Volume II: Back in the saddle.

Ok, so after being off-line we are back in action. In a nutshell, we screwed up our page and had to fix it. So, here's what's been going on with us...


Crickets chirping...

Not much...
Angie had a bad case of Montezuma's revenge on Monday and we left school early. Luckily I was able to watch opening day of baseball season (no it was not planned) and the Dodgers won! One down 161 to go...

Abigal had a big birthday party (http://jonesfamilyga.blogspot.com/) on Sunday and I sat home and watched "I Am Legend." Stellar movie!...

The "diet" is coming along, although weekends with nothing to do make snacking a major hurdle. But weekdays--when we can't get to the cabinet or fridge in the day and we eat sensible lunches--are helpful...

Our good friends from Jacksonville play in a fabulous Christian rock band called Four Days Late. Their new album is on I-tunes. Check it out: http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vcGhvYm9zLmFwcGxlLmNvbS9XZWJPYmplY3RzL01aU3RvcmUud29hL3dhL3ZpZXdBcnRpc3Q/aWQ9MjE2MDUwMTgw

Another friend of mine from college is married to the piano player for Mercy Me. Check them out: www.mercyme.org/

Jeopardy song playing...

That's about it.

--Erik

Green's Game Notes: Volume I

If you flip to the sports section of your newspaper you will generally find brief game notes at the end of game stories, such as "Alex Rodriguez hit his 17th homer of the season, his second in three games...Red Sox left fielder Manny Ramirez was scratched from the lineup due to pain in his left hamstring." Since I often have a short attention span I enjoy those. I sometimes have a short writing attention span as well, so here is the first installment of Green's game notes, which focus on our life.

On Thursday we went with Jennifer to Abigail's t-ball practice and had a nice time. The day was gorgeous and I got to toss the ball around with Abby, but I had to duck out of the field to keep from interfering with practice. Remember Erik, the coach is in charge. Angie and I kept an eye on Lilly as she toddled around the park...

Keep Ramona Connor in your prayers; she is the wife of a former boss who I have worked for twice in my life. Romona is maybe the biggest Bama fan on planet earth. She is battling breast cancer right now. Years ago she had a kidney transplant and it has failed since her bout with cancer began, so things look very grim for her. She is a dear sweet lady...

Keep Angie in your prayers as well. She has to administer the CRCT test (the big standardized test for third grade) next week and is super stressed about it. But she will do fine...

Our health kick is going well so far, but it usually does during the first week when adrenaline is eager to flow. Keep us in prayer. Ask God to enable us to complete this 180 in our lives and stay healthy. Along those lines, I found a fantastic Web site for keeping up with your calories and helping you organize your diet. It's: http://www.thedailyplate.com/ ...

In other news, ESPN has loads of Bama and Dodgers news up today. It's a good day....

It's three days until Giants at Dodgers to open the season. Hallelujah!

--Erik

My Big Fat Greek...Salad?

Do you know we have been lied to all our lives? Of course you know that. We were told you can do anything if you put your mind to it. Yeah, but can a 7-foot man live in a doll house if he puts his mind to it? I don't think so. It's the same with food. I am beginning to believe that man was not meant to eat meat, at least in the quantity in which most Americans eat it. And it's killing us.

"The traditional American diet consists of extremely high levels of animal protein, dairy, and low-fiber processed breads,” according to Roberta Temes in an article on peertrainer.com. Sound anything like you? It sounds like me.

“Some studies have shown that Americans consume 93% of their daily calories from non-vegetable sources,” she wrote. “As a result, we are the most obese people on the planet and have the highest levels of cancer and heart disease in the world. Cultures that have high levels of calorie consumption from vegetables have much lower rates of obesity and disease."

Ding, a light goes off in my head.

Temes says we are taught about the basic food groups, which include meat and dairy and “It was drilled into us at an early age that a healthy diet was centered on meat and dairy. It was communicated to us that protein was the most important nutrient, and that these two food groups were the best source. Cancer rates subsequently soared.

"The reality is however, that whole grains, nuts, beans and vegetables are rich in protein and also contain additional nutrients that keep you healthy and nourish you," she wrote. "Meat and dairy is simply loaded with fat and cholesterol. A good way to think about the power of protein from plants is by asking this question: what do elephants, gorillas and giraffes eat? They eat plants and are plenty big. Green vegetables contain more protein per 100 calories than steak. We have also been told that milk is the best source of calcium. Again, plants are a phenomenal source of calcium. As you begin to eliminate meat and dairy from your diet, you are creating an environment in your body that is hostile to, rather than friendly to cancer and tumors. Instead of saturated fat your body is taking in more fiber and antioxidant. Your risk of osteoporosis becomes lower. Weight loss becomes possible."

Many people already know and understand this, but for others like me, who have been a slave to meat and dairy, it's alarming. More proteins in greens than steak? Creating a body hostile to cancer?

OK, so what's my angle here? Well, Angie and I recently decided it was far past time to get healthy. We are getting A BIT older and are planning for kids in the future and quite frankly we want to be around when they are grown. Clearly, most people who are thin and healthy simply know how to put a cork in their mouths and push away from the table. They understand the value of exercise and ACTUALLY practice it. The rest of us have to figure it out the hard way, like trying to squeeze into booths at restaurants, dreading the scale at the doctor, and taking blood pressure meds every day at age 30.

But I think many of us, healthy or not, have no idea that eating certain things actually makes your body function better or worse than normal, whatever normal might be. It’s a system that works, but which hasn’t been followed by many in centuries I suspect. Think of it as a proper order, like growing plants. You have the right soil then you add the seeds, the right amount of fertilizer, the right amount of water and voila, a healthy stalk of corn.

I am still learning certain key principles and I am in no way trying to seem like a 300-pound health expert. But there are simple things that can help us all, like not eating proteins with starches, such as a hamburger patty on a bun, which destroys everything we believe in as Americans when it comes to food. Other things include: eating nothing that requires digestion before noon (meaning, eat fruit for breakfast). Certainly there are many other things to consider but even if you are in shape it might do you well to research and consider more than “eating right.” Think about why.

--Erik

God's smile

Every morning I spend an hour alone on a sidewalk under a ceiling of dark clouds which pass by slowly as if they were watching me. That’s part of my job at Murray County High School. I’m a crossing guard. That hour gives me time to reflect. Regretfully, most of the time I don’t think about much of anything.
But today I thought about death. I often obsess about becoming sick and dying, especially dying young. I’ve always feared death. I’ve feared what those moments will be like as we pass from life to death. Will I be afraid? Will I be in control? I tell my wife time and time again that when I obsess over something and it turns out to be nothing that I hear God’s voice saying, “When are you going to learn to trust me.” Maybe today.
This morning as I was thinking about death, I believe God spoke to me. He said, “Why are you so afraid of death? If you’re that afraid then I would think you don’t really believe in Heaven.”
He had a point. After all, what is death if not a prerequisite for Heaven?
I don’t think I have ever been really sure of the existence of Heaven like I am sure that my wedding band is gold. It was always a nice possibility. I am a Christian, but I am truly like Thomas. I need to see the wounds. The idea of Heaven, like the majority of the Gospel message, has seemed at times a little far fetched over the years. So this morning I looked up at the dark clouds and told God, “If there is a Heaven, show me a smile.” I was looking for God to contort the clouds into a smiley face, I reckon.
But it didn’t happen and I looked at the ground and thought, “Stupid.”
About ten seconds later I looked up as a delivery truck rolled by me. On the side was a picture of a little girl, who looked to be maybe 5-years-old, holding a slice of watermelon. She had a big snaggletooth smile on her face.
What can you say? Thomas got his stupid sign.
God tells us in Matt. 19:26 “Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”’
All things, from a smiley face on the side of a truck to our heavenly home.
“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also.
—John 14:1-3
Philippians 3:20-21
But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself.
—Philippians 3:20-21
Amen

--Erik

American kids

A poem by Erik Green

Inoculate me oh God
To the darkness of my heart
Land which has fled into the arms
Of anesthetization, peculation
The demise of education
The art of murder without trepidation

They’re cultist drones of the video box
Marching in soporific waves of pheromones
Eating with ravenous minds they are
Gorged and sated
Technology’s antennae latched to their heads
Beep, ring, buzz, ding,
What? Yes? Oh what do you mean?
Never would our ancestors have foreseen
This, a terror, a horror like death
Apathy, ignorance, maelstrom, duress

Did it start with war in Europe?
Or Communism and reds
Or hippies or yuppies
Or kids with wild dreads?

Now there’s just not a purpose
Nor cause to be found
Idle hands, dismal sounds
For the children lost
Have no solace now

About us

Though they went to the same universiy, Erik and Angela Green never knew each other as students. It was only years later that they found each other. Angela actually dated Erik's neighbor! They were married June 16, 2007 and currently reside in Dalton, Ga. They have no children (YET!). As a couple they enjoy going to football and baseball games, spending time with family and friends, Japanese food, sitting on the porch in the warm sun and traveling. They live (in their imagination) in Jekyll Island whenever possible.

Angela was born in Dalton and raised in Murray County. She attended Southeast Whitfield High School and graduated in 1998. She went on to attend Jacksonville State University (Jacksonville, AL) where she earned a bachelor's degree in Elementary Education. While at Jacksonville State she played the flute in the famed "Marching Southerners" marching band. She's in her fourth year of teaching third grade at Chatsworth Elementary School in Chatsworth, Ga. She also teaches a Wednesday night class at Dalton Evangelical Methodist Church. She enjoys music, spending time with family, attending sporting events (especially Alabama games) and of course American Idol. Her favorite movie is "White Christmas," the lines from which she can quote on command. She reads all things Nicholas Sparks. Angie has two sisters: Jennifer and Laura and a step-sister Christy as well as several nieces and nephews. Angie will be 28 April 23.

Erik was born in Anniston, Alabama and raised on a farm outside nearby Jacksonville. He attended Pleasant Valley High School and graduated in 1996. He attended Jacksonville State University but left in 2000 to take a job as a newspaper reporter in Americus, Ga. He worked in both sports and news writing at newspapers in Americus, Rome and Dalton before deciding to go back to school in 2008. He is currently majoring in Secondary English Education at UT-Chattanooga (being a bonkers Alabama fan, he is saddened that his degree will say only "University of Tennessee"). Upon graduation, Erik wants to teach high school English and earn more degrees. He currently works as a "teacher" at Murray County High School, supervising In School Suspension. He coached freshman football this past year. He is a rabid sports fan and follows Alabama and the Los Angeles Dodgers closely. In the past he played Xbox hardcore, but his game system went kapoot (it was sabotaged by Angie hehe). Currently he listens to a lot of sports talk radio at work. His favorite move is "Snatch." He enjoys reading, writing and the Discovery Channel. His favorite author is Cormac McCarthy. He has two sisters: Lisa and Donna and several nieces and nephews. He just turned 30 on March 7, sigh!